[Crossroad2011]

I fear this might become long...

My husband recently revealed to me that his father violently beat his mother when he was growing up. He admitted that he wanted to do something about it, he was too scared and he is deeply ashamed.

This revelation came in an email because our marriage of 11 years has crumbled so badly that we cannot discuss anything like that verbally. We have been together for 14 years.

I could probably write pages and pages as I am confused and hurt by so many things that have happened in our marriage. I am also lost and do not know where to begin (or end) any of this.

He is seeking help...

I don't know if it is appropriate to write a super long post but I did want to introduce myself and maybe get a little direction of how I can participate in this group.

thanks!

[DianaJoy]

Welcome to the forum, Crossroad!

Crossroad, please write as much or as little as you feel moved to write. You're welcome to use this forum in whatever way may be helpful to you.

You and your husband may benefit from the Survivor to Thriver manual. You can find it online - hllp*://www.ascasupport.org/manual.php You can download it or read it online for free, or order a paper copy from that page.

It's hard to be the spouse of a survivor, especially since the spouse often had become a victim as well. Even those of use who know how abuse can repeat itself, will carry on that legacy of abuse. Myself, I've had to work very hard to make sure that the cycle of abuse stops with me. Every survivor has to make that choice, and do the healing needed to make it happen.

Best of luck and good healing to you and your spouse!