[Sheryl]

I have found it easiest if at all possible to cut out anyone who is unsupportive, my aunt told me that i could build my own family, so I have. Its pretty nice not dealing with anyone's crap

[Sheryl]

Thank you for reading my story, it ended up being a one in the morning rant becaseu I could not sleep. The hardest part for me was the fact that up until I was 14 my mom was areally good person and then almost over night she changed. I will never understand it and I have stopped trying. I foucus now on a new life and being a great mom to my son

[dancingbear]

That is part of my problem, I am back where all of the abuse took place to begin with. It hurts and I am not the only one I am sure. But I don't trust any of my old friends and I just want to have healthy relationships, I went through all of the remembering, things I would have rather not remembered.. But there is nothing I can do about it now. I have an aunt and a step mother who are pure mean, my family has been always so divided and they have all done nothing but use me like a little pawn. I like feeling better and there are days. I think that I need to continue to remodel the home I am in and sell it and find a place that is small but cozy and neat and more private.

[dancingbear]

Yes, mothers do change. Some of the things that my mother has been through completely amaze me. The best day of my life was when my mother stopped drinking, but she still because of abuse that she had to endure suffers from things that she never deserved. My father for one never treated her well and then started to treat me just as bad. Treatment I do not feel has always been proper. I forgave so many people in my life.

[Sheryl]

Sometimes at night when I remember the things that happened , things that I dont want to remember I am tempted to call her and tell her how much I hate her, but i never do, I don't want her to even have the satisfaction to know that I am thinking about her. I end up online at midnight lol

[dancingbear]

I think that is where my guilt is is that when I became ill, I felt like I wasn't the mother to my daughter that I was normally. I never beat her or anything but having a disfunctional family led us into not so nice living situations and she has two daughters, not that I would ever ever give them back but she was young and my disfunctional family just sat back and let it all happen.

[Sheryl]

You are much stronger then me if you have forgiven, Im not there yet. My aunt who I am very close to ( she is an abuse survivor as well) has told me when you are healed you will feel at peace, not angry or sad or hurt anymore, just peace

[Sheryl]

I think we try to be the best parents we can be, as long as we dont repeat the horrors done to us then I think we will be great parents :)

[dancingbear]

I think that I feel best when the hate is gone. I was raped and had child pornography taken of me at 15 years old. They covered it up the whole community. My mother was a drunk, and stepfather and the whole family drank. I turned out to be the rescuer. I am tired tho and just want some joy in my life and alot less responsibility if you know what I mean. When the hate feelings go away toward your mom you will feel better. I know that when the hate I feel toward the men who did the things to me and devistated my family too then I will feel better. I finally reported it to the proper authorities. They don't know where the pictures are yet but they are looking.

[dancingbear]

I don't talk to my mom much right now but it feels good that I don't hate her. She did crazy stuff too. But I can actually say she did the best she could at the time. If she would have gone on welfare instead of working herself to the ground like we have all been taught to do I think it would have been better. What about your father, where was he when all of this was goin on? If she wouldI was just there watching all of the abuse and didn't want it to happen to me. I went away went into the military had a great career and what I thought was a wonderful husband...ya,,,,,hahaha...he fooled me. He was just looking for a sucker.

[dancingbear]

Could your mom been experiencing some sort of abuse at the time?

[Sheryl]

My dad had his own sort of melt down when they divorced . He had an idea of what was going on but he couldn't prove it and at the time ( I was 15) I wasn't saying anything because I thought one day she would be normal again Ha Ha. As far as her being abused the her lover/ the man I married was abuseive. but my dad was not

[dancingbear]

Well I think that you have logged out. Goodnight, I hope you have a great week and that you start to have joy in your life also..I hope to talk to you again....

[Sheryl]

I know this is totally off subject but I have to ask , what is your kitten like?

[Sheryl]

sorry for the delay , the little guy woke up, are you still there?