[DianaJoy]

Asha, you're welcome to read, post, and respond anywhere on the forum :)

[dancingbear]

Hello, I am a new member, I am not sure how to use this forum yet but am trying. Do you have to remember where you posted? and then look for a reply? I have also, actually my whole family has been through a long line of abuse and why does healing have to hurt so much? Physically and mentally sometimes. Any coping mechanisms, that do not require alot of money to begin with. I take warm baths and try to be positive. It is difficult. Well hello everyone. I have ptsd and major depression from all of it. I am looking forward to speaking with others who have experienced the same stuff.

[dancingbear]

I am going through the manual and am going to do as you suggested. I think it would be helpful.

[dancingbear]

I tried to go to the new topic thread and it said that I couldn't access it. Any suggestions?

[missedneon]

Hello all,

I am new and I just started on this journey of self discovery. I was four when I was first abused by two neighborhood boys that were 16-17 Years old. This went on till I was 10 years old. Here is my real question. I have known this one person for 15 years. We started talking over a year ago. I had started testing him with some of my stuff, well I kept testing him and all. Then what happened is we had a disagreement and I told him a lie about what happened, which went into another lie. The other night we were talking and all. I was starting to take that wall down with him and confessing up my lies to him. I think that the lies come from me being sexually abused at such a young age somewhere. Does anyone else realize they have done this. The testing, and then telling the lies, Or am I just that messed up in my life???

[DianaJoy]

DancingBear, I'm not sure what you mean - this is the new topic thread. Would you like me to create a new topic for you?

[Drenched]

I do relize this may seem unfair to so many of us that have suffered horrific abuse, at the hands of our perpertraitors. I started on this site due to numerous memorys of abuse starting at around 6-8 years old. I have since opened my heart to my Saviour, Lord Jesus Christ. I have found such inner strength, not just to accept what has happened to me, and so many others like me, but to all those that will suffer these attrocieties. I forgive all those that have abused me, verbally, sexually, emotionaly. I do hope they find their own inner peace and open their hearts, and their soul to God. God has healed my heart, my soul. I am at peace both inside and out. I have, and will continue praying for each and everyone, for the storms inside to subside. I thank all that helped me see, I was not the only one

[Samatha42]

If any of you guys suffer from this, What it like for you?
Do you take any medications? How often does this stress appear?
And does the thought of your abuser trigger it? Does it ever get better?

[DianaJoy]

Welcome to the forum, Samantha!

As for what it's like... different people experience the outfall of childhood abuse different. For me, it's like the emotional consequences of being abused have hidden themselves all over my psyche and in the muscles of my body. And I get stronger and healthier - in body and mind - I find new pockets of un-processed emotion.

Here recently I've realized just how unhealthy my relationships - romantic and otherwise have been. I'm working on that. It feels like there's a baby-me in my heart who /needs/, but doesn't know what or how to get it. Unhealthy relationships are familiar, though unsatisfying. I don't really know what a healthy friendship feels like, so that's not a comfort. So little-girl-me cries and cries and I don't know how to soothe her. In time, I will. Right now it's really, really hard to just keep up with my life. So I'm making sure I take it as easy as I can in other areas, which still taking good care of myself. I'm exercising every day, but gently. I'm writing in my journal every day, and listening to comforting music, and talking to my close friends about how I'm doing. It all helps, and will keep me moving in the right direction.

I'm following the steps in the ASCA manual - Survivor to Thriver - hllp*://www.ascasupport.org/manual.php You can get it free online. It's a big help for a lot of us. The relationship stuffs I mentioned are part of my Step 16 work.

[MeepMixed]

I've found that I can't relate to any anecdotal conversations as if I relate anything I'm met with Silence, an immediate change in subject, or blank stares.

I'm a very open person and have no qualms about people knowing my past, I don't bring it out like a trophy of interest or anything but I only have the one childhood so my stories are my stories.

I'm sick to death of people ignoring, not asking questions or misunderstanding my intentions. So I thought if perhaps I divulged all my stories here I wouldn't feel the need to share them with people in my life.

Please reply if you've had the same experience, I just feel alone in my outlook.

[Goodness_Gracious]

Hi MeepMixed:

You said: "I'm sick to death of people ignoring, not asking questions or misunderstanding my intentions."

If they haven't had the same kind of experiences - they may have no idea to respond - they might not want to say the wrong thing. Or, maybe they really are judgmental. It's hard to tell what people's responses "mean."

Sometimes when I've told friends things, really close friends - they respond "in the wrong way." Meaning, they just have no reaction at all - like I told them what kind of sandwich I had for lunch. That doesn't feel very good. I feel sort of devalued or invisible. Honestly I don't think I've ever gotten the "right" reaction. Like, a person responding with shock or anger or ANYTHING. Just - eh, no reaction. Nothing. Why? I don't know. And these are close friends, people I've known for years. And I always act shocked or angered or sympathetic or SOMETHING when they've told me things.

[Caerwyn]

I'm looking for information on how to cope with the vivid and overwhelming memories [/b]

[DianaJoy]

Welcome Caerwyn!

The Survivor to Thriver manual is a great resource, for coping with overwhelming memories as well as recovering from childhood abuse in general. You can find it online at hllp*://www.ascasupport.org/manual.php

From that site you can download a free PDF of the book, read it online, or purchase a paper copy. Survivor to Thriver was developed from the book Soul Survivors by J. Patrick Gannon, which is currently out of print. You might be able to find it second hand.

A therapist or counselor of some sort can also be a great resource for coping strategies.

All of us on this forum are survivors learning to thrive. Feel free to read and respond to any thread here, or start your own. Sometimes writing our your memories can help drain their power, helping you feel more in control.

[Caerwyn]

Thanks Diana

[gretaann]

Ummm sorry, I started a new topic in the general forum before reading this. If you want to delete I will understand, but it is my hope to find someone out in the world who has a similar situation as I.