[littleb]

Hey Diana, when u got a min would you create me another thread in step 3 maybe "looking forward" or something along those lines? Thanks!

[DianaJoy]

Done :)

[littleb]

yay!

Okay, so not to say I'm finished healing, maybe no where close to step 3, but am feeling that theres something that i need to *do* about this now. I know 1st I want to talk to my mom about it, face to face, so as little is misunderstood as possible. I dont blame her, but i need her to validate this for me. It DID happen, and i need for her to understand that. SO plan numero uno can be one of two things: 1. I take my pregnant behind on another trip out west to see ma or 2. I wait till she comes down for the baby. I think i'll prolly go with option 2 for financial reasons alone.

So theres my first decision on how to deal with this moving forward.

Now, there comes the part of my sexual abuser. Lately I've been feeling as if i should "do something about it", not just about the abuse i went thro, but the abuse in general. The abuse he may be putting someone else thro, and the abuse anyone anywhere puts anyone through. If that makes sense. Soooo what are my options here? I can attempt to track that low life down, and try to press charges (altho how after this long of a period of time I have no idea) and hopefully ensure he doesnt hurt anyone else or I can join some organization whos goal is to prevent abuse or to help abuse survivors, so I could volunteer. But I feel like I need to do something more. Hmmmm this one is a debatable for me yet, so will chew on it for a while. Am just putting my thots out there

[Emms]

Whatever you choose to do, littleb, all the very best of luck with it.

[littleb]

Thanks Emms, I did some more research and found some random groups kinda in my area (atleas in my state, and each with like 2-3 ppl in the group) that deal with childhood sexual abuse in some shapre or form. One in particular is about making children aware of sexual abusers, what they say and do to con children and letting children know ahead of time what their rights are. It sounded a bit strange, just because I dont think I've ever heard of something like that, that involves primarily children and parents are just there for discusssion and ideas, etc, but its there to give the children a "heads up" basically. I dont know, havent heard back from any of the groups so may not get anywhere with it, but i'd like to try.

I know ive still got work to do on my own, for myself, alot im sure, but i feel like im not going to feel better until i can stop it from happening to someone else, however it is i accomplish that. Thanks for the encouragement it's ALWAYS appreciated! :-)

[Emms]

There'll always be work to do of our own for ppl like us. But we can help others too, we can give something back when we feel the time is right.

[Time to Heal]

littleb I think that's awesome! My friend tells me I should do something like that to help others, but I am no were near that stage. I can't help ppl if I'm still fucked up in the head!

As far as you talking to your Mom about what happened, I wish you the best of luck and hope it goes well. Sound's like you have a solid plan on your road to healing. I'm happy for you!

[littleb]

thanks! my plan is gonna take a while, i kno my mom wont be out here until Jan some time, when the baby's due. So I've got some time with that, and as far as doing something to help others, im sure it will take me a while, but its where I eventually want to go with this.

[boatguy]

Whatever happened with this littleb?

[kestrel]

littleb. that sounds great when you are ready. nothing can ever make right what happened to you but stopping it happen to someone else is a great thing to do. good luck.

[littleb]

All of it has fallen through so far, the group that educates ppl I've never heard back from, the other group is supposed to be a talk-therapy group, a lot like this site but in "real"....and I've been too busy trying just to make it that I haven't been able to go to any of those meetings (plus its in another city bout 50 miles away). I dont even know if I'm going to be here much longer, I may be moving soon and then I'd have to start all over....

I still have this drive to do something though and I wish I could make a steady commitment to *something* that makes a difference. I want to fight back somehow. For right now though, I'm just trying to hang tight and see where the wind blows me.

[boatguy]

Keep YOUR hand on the tiller littleb, you can make the wind work for YOU. Just find the way.

[nanidiamond]

i confronted most of my previous abusers. The first abuser that I recall encountering was my mother. I confronted her when I was 34yrs old and it felt very relieving. Her response was that she will NEVER apologize to me and that I "don't exist" in her mind...

for some reason it was healing for me anyway...at least now I know where I stand and can move on with my life without the pressure of trying to please her (since I now know that it's not possible).

[kestrel]

I confronted my mother regarding her inability to protect us and why she did not leave my alcoholic father. She said that she thought a bad father was better than no fathet and at least he was rich and could provide us with material things. I still disagree with her and I am very wary of contact. I do have limited contact but on my terms now. I know that I am jumping all over the place in terms of the step programme but when i was in therapy a long time ago they encouraged me to talk to my motehr about this. I still don't really understand why she stayed with Dad so long.

[boatguy]

I just wonder why my parents never even asked me what was going on. They dropped me off at her house for christs sake, why would a 50 year old women show so much intrest in a 14-15 year old boy? They never seemed to ask.