[legra87]

I first of all want to say how happy I am that there is this forum, I have had a really hard time finding support for partners of those healing from child abuse.

I feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My partner of over 5 years, told me because of some new memories about the trauma in her past that she no longer feels connected and is not sure if she loves me anymore. This is not the first time we have discussed her past trauma, but this is the first time she says I no longer make her feel safe.

She said there was nothing I could do because its not me its her. I think understand this and I can respect her space and am proud of how far she has come in her healing process. I admire her everyday and try to show her that I am here to support her in anyway she might need. But to tell me she can not love me anymore because of her history breaks my heart. I want to be there for her and I want her to do what she needs to do, but I can't watch her push me away because she feels like the only thing she can do right now is hurt herself.

Is there anything i can do to help her not repeat a negative cycle? Or is it better for me to just wait?

I do not want to try and take any control in this situation but the lack of having any control is tearing me apart.

Thank you, and if anyone knows of any support groups for partners of survivors that info would be amazing.

[DianaJoy]

I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions for groups for you, but there are survivor's partner's who come here.

It is wonderful of you to be so very supportive of your partner! Remember that you need to take good care of yourself, too. You shouldn't control your partner - but she shouldn't control you, either. You both have wants and needs. Ideally, you'll be able to work together to get all of both of your needs met, and a lot of the wants, too.

Your needs and wants are just as important as hers.

[Emms]

It must be so hard for the partners of us survivors who are recovering, hard in the beginning with all we often put you through and sometimes even harder once that person's healing has begun because when we heal from the damage of child abuse, we change. Sometimes we find that we don't have the same needs anymore, that we needed the person we thought we fell in love with but it wasn't love, it was need and we often get that mixed up. Basically, I do wish I could say something that would help but whatever happens, this is not your fault, not you partner's fault either, it's the sad reality of the problems childhood sexual abuse can cause.