[Raingirl]

Hi again..
I would say that it all comes down to you inside. Imagine if somebody could never confront their abusers because they were all dead. Does that mean they are destined to suffer for the rest of their lives? I don't believe so. I think it is possible to get closure, but again, I haven't had the same experiences as you...
On that same note, I would love everything to end happily ever after with my family...but I don't NEED them to apologise or repent, because it is truly their OWN lives they are ruining. They have things messed up inside their heads and I am now clearing and sorting mine and being much more positive in my thoughts and actions.

You may not have meant it like this, but I am up way too late so it may be that I've misunderstood due to tiredness......but don't ever spend anytime wondering what the counsellor will THINK. They should be non-judgemental. And remember, you don't have to have ANYONE in your life that you don't feel comfortable with or trust. So, for example, you can change counsellors anytime you like until you find one that you really feel able to talk openly to.

Also, your friend sounds like they are possibly trying to protect you from further pain, which is reassuring, but, I have a feeling that they are not a survivor of abuse. I have heard very similar things from people who care about me...but at the end of the day...all of this healing is about taking control of YOUR life again. Control was taken from you, boundaries were crossed without permission. So now it is up to you to explore your options and decide how you want to address things.

I am sorry that this might sound scary. I am sorry that it will not be a quick fix and there are no easy solutions. However, if you are talking to a counsellor and haven't even discussed this much with them, then try to let go of the thoughts of whether you will confront him/report him etc.

This is YOUR life and please, now that you realise you need to heal...give yourself time to.
Otherwise its probably a bit like poking an open wound. By the way, as you have been abused, this is a crime. Have you spoken to anyone at your local VictimSupport yet? I wasn't going to at first because I thought I was doing really well coping with everything and being happy and upbeat...but they reminded me that I have only spoken to people on this website. I haven't discussed it as a focus. So I will meet with them at some point. I don't know what it will be like, but I will try to let you know how that is. Later down the line, if you do decide you want to do something about reporting it (oh and if you know he is abusing someone else, I think you legally HAVE to)..there are some useful documents on the NAPAC site I believe.

I notice you are looking in the healing stage of the forum...have you searched through all the others too? I think sometimes we progress very differently, kinda jumping about the steps maybe...so perhaps you may find other parts more helpful to your situation. Also, are you writing stuff down? I find that often fear is of the unknown, so I guess sometimes the more you get out on paper, the less you have to carry around in your head. But again, this might be something to talk to the counsellor about.

Oh...and I know that I felt completely alone in doing all of this...but neither of us are, because even though you may not get a reply straight away, there are lots of people that care and support you even if you never meet them!

And remember, the more you concentrate on yourself now, the quicker your 'recovery'. You will certainly find that you can empathise with others and perhaps down the line...you won't need to confront him, because you will be too busy stopping this happening to others and helping them deal with similar trauma. Just BREATHE and be good to yourself and be prepared for it to take a lifetime, so that you can then be extra PROUD of yourself when you make progress!

I wish you the best of luck and hope I have helped...as I said I am half asleep and not a pro at this either! But I care...and I want the best for all of us. YOU CAN DO IT! :D

[DianaL]

[quote] "Part of me is thrilled that this is starting to happen for me and part of me is terrified that I will fail/not achieve what I want to. All the old insecurities are flooding back. I know that I can do this in my heart but that nagging voice sometimes gets a bit loud. "

I am really new here and this is the primary reason I am here. I can relate so much to what you wrote as I am going through the same thing. I am going back to school to become a nurse. it is a long journey that starts with prerequisites and applications. It all feels so overwhelming and even though I have more support now than I have ever had I relate to what you said above-the nagging doubts, fears and old tapes replay over and over taking so much energy from me. But part of me is just so excited about finally making a commitment to something I really want to do.


Kestrel if you are still around, I would love to hear about your prgress.[/quote]

[DianaJoy]

This is something that working the ASCA steps can be so helpful with. Yes, those nagging, negative voices are hard to change - but you can change them! You really can learn to trust yourself. Actually taking the steps toward what you want to do is wonderful :) Good for you!