[yomommy82]

Ok...3 days ago, my little girl (4.5 yrs) told me a secret. Her stepbrother (12 yrs) had asked her to 'lick his weiner' at the grandparents house ( not hers biologically, but for 4 years of her life, they have been there and great with my 2 children). I asked if she did, she said yes and started crying about it and apologizing.....

The past 3 days have been a living hell. Both sets of grandparents (GP)were told, and their viewppoint could not be more extreme. Stepbro's GPs said it was 'experimenting' amongst other awful justifications. One from GM, 'you're acting like he screwed her'. And from other comments, i guess since he didn't physically 'hurt' her, she QUOTE "will not remember it anyway". Also, "we are making a too big of a deal out of it."

My mother, on the other hand, had many 'choice' names for the stepson, and agrees with me that he shouldn't be around my children, as well as others.

after a series of discussions over these LOOOONG 3 days, my fiancee is understanding and agreeing with me. I however, cannot face my stepson again. I KNOW that. I told him tonight I think me and my son and daughter should move out. I love him, but the family is in disarray. Any thoughts at all would be grateful. I have to separate my children from this 'red flag'.

[Emms]

I'm going to try to be really objective here, but that'll be hard cos I was sexually abused, though by men much older.

Firstly, none of this is your fault, you must realize that. You're in a terrible position, I can't imagine what I'd feel like if it was me. Secondly, I don't agree that what he did was 'normal' experimenting, he's too old to want a chiuld that young to do things to him like that. Yes, 12 year olds experiment, but not usually with girls so young, it's usually with other 12 year olds or not much younger and what he asked her to do seems extreme to me. I'm wondering who has been talking to him about things like that, whether it's someone he knows at school putting ideas into his head or even an older person who could even be abusing the boy. I really don't agree with your GP, I think this needs looking into further. Is there no one you could go to see about things like this, a counsellor or something? It could be a one off, but the boy must learn to realize that he can't do things like that to children, or it could be the start of something much deeper and nastier in him. Without help you can't know and I think a professional needs to talk to him and also to your little girl so that she realizes she did nothing wrong, she was persuaded by someone older and, at 12, should have known better. Something is wrong, for all we know, the boy could be a victim too in another way. We just don't know but to me, it doesn't look good and I think you're right to take the child away from him for the time being at least. But if he is also seen by a professional,. perhaps it can be stopped from happening again, if not he could well go on to do more to other little girls. This is NOT in my opinion (and I'm no professional) normal behaviour for a boy his age. She is way too young for it to just be an 'experiment' in normal sexual matters. That is generallyh done between young ppl around the same age.

Good luck. I don't envy you but I do think you should contact someone else about it. I don't know how the system works in the US but here you could go to a social worker or mental health worker who specializes in sexual matters. Something has to be done.

[yomommy82]

Thanks for posting your opinion, i absolutely agree with everything you said. He actually has an appt. with a counselor today. My heart is breaking because like i said, I don't think that I can even look at him because I feel so betrayed. How does a family stay together after an incident like this? I have plans to move out, but I really love my fiancee, we've been together for four years. I DO know that he will not be around either of my children again, not even supervised. His grandmother, father, and aunt all have been molested as children...

[Emms]

There's something very wrong in that family. They need help and quickly before it goes further. I get the feeling from what you have now said that this boy has been molested too, he is also a victim and it might not be too late for him, but you can't be the one to try to give any help, as much as you love your fiance, you have a young child to think about and she must come first. Therefore, you MUST grt out. But I think the authorities or someone who is dealing with this family needs to know about the history of sexual abuse in this family. It needs stopping NOW! Afraid you can't do much though, your're doing the right thing by getting out, your little girl has to come first, you're her mother.

All the very best of luck. I have to say that I really hope it's not too late for this boy, that he can get help and won't grow up to be a preditory pedophile, but we can never know.

[TryingtoHelp]

Yeah, I'd agree that the boy has probably been molested. I was a 12 year-old boy. I remember what we suggested to each other. It wasn't doing anything to a 4 year-old. In fact, as I remember, being around a 4 year old was like hell to a 12 year-old.

Sorry, humor there. One of the ways I cope.

Anyway, I do think you or your hubby-to-be need to talk to the counselor about the history of abuse.

[DianaJoy]

Thank goodness for a mom who BELIEVES her child, and takes steps to protect her children! Thank you! That's the kind of help a child needs to learn to process and recover from abuse like this.

[sunshinegirl]

hear hear dianajoy