[qwerty]

When my husband was a child he was molested by his mentally handicapped, much older male cousin. His family knew and just made excuses for the cousin, how he didn't know any better. For many years he didn't talk to the cousin but his parents pushed him to forgive. Finally many years later he did. Recently feelings have resurfaced and my husband doesn't want to be in contact with the cousin anymore. His mother keeps pushing him to forgive and forget. I have tried talking to her on his behalf, she says she understand and will respect his feelings but the next day she will be pushing him again. It is ruining their relationship and it breaks my heart to see him in so much pain. What should we do?

[dkann63]

I would support your husband, I wish I had somebody like you.

[Helpforhubby]

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years. He has ALWAYS suffered from low self-esteem and depression. Recently in a discussion with my mother-in-law, she accidently told me about the sexual abuse my husband suffered at the hands of an older neighbor boy from the time my husband was about 5 to 7 years old. She honestly thought my husband had told me but alas, he never has hinted to anything of the sort in his past. I think he needs help... even now... 30 years later. In retrospect of our relationship... I have realized escapism seems to be his form of treatment. Whether it be countless hours of television series or playstation play... I constantly catch him electronically "checking out". I had previously attributed this behavior to him being a "techie, graphic designer" and his intense ADHD he has. I guess I am unsure how to proceed..... Obviously, I would never just ask him about it because for whatever his reason he has chosen not to disclose the abuse to me. I also do not want to put my mother-in-law in an awkward position. So any thoughts on how I can help my husband re-build himself when that process has been stagnate for 30 years. For reference my mother-in-law never knew until my husband was approx. 16 or 17 years old. She had sent him to a "therapeutic school" in the mountains of GA because he had been getting into trouble (acting out, drugs, alcohol). She said a counselor there told her and my husband's father about the past abuse. I am at a loss on how to proceed... do I just leave it alone? I firmly believe, now, that this abuse is the root of his super-low self-esteem and cyclical depression.