Freedom

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

Hi, my name is Sheryl. I am just beginning my journey in counseling . I have had three days. I know that does not sound like much but I have been fighting for my freedom for a long time. It has been a four year journey to get from where I was to where I am now. I have been FREE for two months and It has been the best two months I have had in twelve years! I am excited to begin my new life.

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

Hi Again, If you could post a new thread called Freedom, that would be great

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

Its Funny, I once heard that a writers enemy is a blank page, how true that is when your stareing at a blank box and not sure what to write or where to start

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

So the beginning is as good as any place... I was born three months premature, I had a mild brain bleed which casued some brain damage and I mild form of Cereabl Pasly . Time healed the brain damage, and phycical therepy helped the cp. I had a wonderful young childhood, my father worked very very hard to make sure I had everything from tutors to extra physical therepy, on a weekly basis I went to at least one tuder and gynamstics, horseback rideing, ballat. ( Where am I going with this right?, well you'll see) My mom was a wonderful mother, she was involved with everything a did and then I got my first boyfriend.

I was 14, I was so excited, he was 18 and I had my first boyfriend. and for about two months everything was good, the third month he took my virginity and then my mom ( that will be the last time I refer to her as that) started sleeping with him too. And then everything went to hell.
That summer she involved herself

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

On one occassion he asked me to wear a blindfold ( Keep in mind I was 14 and very new to sexuality) I did and while he performed oral sex on me, she gave him a blow job. The only reason I knew was the blindfold came off, I got up and ran to my bedroom and cried, afterwards neither of them said anything not a word they pretended like it never happened. On more then once occasion while we were in the pool he would use the jets to masterbate her and encourage me to hold the raft she was on to help.

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

( It still had not dawned in my young very naive and sheltered mind that they were sleeping together and or that what we were doing was wrong)at the end of the summer, I told her I wanted to break up with him that I no longer wanted to date him, that very same day he was kicked out of his parents house and she moved him into our basement ( hidden from my father of course) I told her again that I didn't want to be involved with him, her response to me was ( I remember it only because I have heard it over and over) " You have to think about him, he has no where to go, no job, I know you love him, just give it a chance"
As you can imagine my parents divorced.
J( my mother) L ( her lover and my boyfriend) and his cousin who she was sleeping with too, all moved into a house together . Within one year L had beaten her up at least once, been drunkenly volient, as the three of them had sex with anything that moved. During this time I was sick with mono and slept alot, on the few good days or nights that I had she would use me as bait for the men that she wanted to sleep with, ( at least 2) She would have me sleep with them and then she would.
Everytime he did anything that was horrible while he was drunk I would plead to her to kick him out to get him out of our lives but " You have to think about him , you love him" ( God I really hate her right now) So she got pregnant with either the cousins baby or Ls, I alwasy assumed it was L since the kid looks just like him.

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

the same year a graduated ( a year early from high school) she arranged this not so i could further my life or go to collage but so I could watch the baby.
I will call him Yogi. At three weeks old J went back to work, leaving me at home recovering from mono and eps tin bar with a three week old newborn. I pushed all my feelings of anger away and devoted myself to yogi. He was in every way like my son. J did not know him nor did L. I even had thoughts of someday running away with him , takeing him away from those people. So anyway for two years I raised Yogi, and then J married a wack job while she was still sleeping w L ( That marriage only lasted a few months) after she got married she convinced me to marry L ( At this point in my life I was 18 and barely a shell of my former self, I didn't care wether I lived or died) She had put her self in the picture finally with Yogi and was pregnant again. So She was now home, and so was L and I was in the work force. I worked for five years, sometimes three jobs at a time, to support them, J , L her sons Yogi and A.
During this time from 14 to 23 L had slept with at least 12 other women ( that I knew about)
Anyway my cousin told me that he had slept with another and I used all I had left in me to tell him I wanted a divorce! And I moved OUT! Ha Ha with a co- worker. Soon after with in a month I was able to travel for work and was able to get away from those people for three whole months!
While gone I started dating the co worker that I was living with.
Life was going good and then we came back to Pa. and she used my half brothers as bait to get me to start coming around them again.

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

Same old shit " You love him You love him " Over and over, I would be very very depressed and hate my life and then travel again for winter and be grand. two years passed . Keep in mind that J and L and the brothers are still living together and I am still living with my boyfriend getting guilt trips every day about how l loves me so much and all that shit.
I become pregnant ( with my wonderful son!) good pregnancy

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

My son was born and while she was visiting and I was asleep, SHE PUT L down as the father on the birth certificate form and sent it in!!!!!! IT took eight months to get this fixed! eight moths for my son to have his real name!!!!! During this time L was threatening to shoot my boyfriend and himself and she encouraged him to do theses things!!!!!!!!!! On nov 23 we had the cert fixed and all legal rights that he would have to my son taken away though the courts ( because L and I were still married) That day he was going to get documentation in the mail. I was so scared that he would shoot my boyfriend or himself in front of my brothers that I went to the police. Under their advice I picked up my brothers from school ( this would be the last time I see them) and waited at my boyfriends parents house ( the police were supposed to go to J and Ls house and get the handguns but they never did) So J finds out that I picked up my brothers and Im with my boyfriend ( Who she hates) she calls the cops on ME! and tries to get me for kidnapping ( ironic Huh) The police thank god S ( my boyfriend ) had already been in contact with them ongoing for three days prior, knew the situation and would not let her press charges ( they told her she would have to go to a local magistrate) So we dropped my brothers off at the station , there she grabbed my arm and basically told me I was crazy and that none of the stuff I was claiming ever happened.

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

Those very words spurred me into Safe Horizons the very next day. After one three hour session I went home and wrote my final correspondence with J, a bulleted list of highlights of why I had enter abuse counseling, informing her that I would have no contact with her until she enter into therapy to get help. ( Yeah I know you are not supposed to send those angry letters, but no one told me that til after) I sent her one, AND everyone in our family so they would know what was going on too ( and It felt damn good) SO on a whole I have reconnected with ALOt of family that I had thought were lost to me. There are a few that believe J and if they want to believe that I have been
" Kidnapped brainwashed and had implanted memories of abuse put in my brain by my boyfriend" then I really don't need them anyway

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

[b] SO that is my Story. At least the highlights. I have begun my new life . . I have begun building my own new family . . . I have hopefully begun to heal . . . And here I sit writing at 1 am.
[/b]

dancingbear · Guest

That is very sad, I hope you find some happiness

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

Goodnight

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

Sometimes I think we get lost in the past and we don't realize how much we have lived though.
Yes we have had horrible things happen to us. But We Survived
We have seen awful things. But we are still alive
I think we are all strong and we are all great.
And I think each and every one of us that posts their story here is courageous , because they have stood up, told the truth and broken the chain.
A weak person can not do the things we have done

Sheryl · Joined: 03 Feb 2012 Posts: 80 Location: PA and AL

I miss my dad. He is not dead , actually he lives only 40 min from me. I miss the relationship we had prior to my parents divorce. He remarried shortly afterwards , I think he through himself into the new marriage and work to try to fill the hole that my mother ripped across his heart, and I think I may remind him of that. Im not sure .
I have an uncle and Aunt who I am very close to now and sometimes I feel guilty that I feel closer to my uncle then my real father. Does that make any sense?